Sunday, May 15, 2005

Amazing Letter From A Good Friend

He's been touring the country as a comic for 20 years. He has a unique viewpoint from many cities in all the states. He's made them laugh in the red and the blue, across demographic lines, picket lines and panty lines. He knows something of the day to day across the nation, that most of us never do, as city-centric as we are. He has some advice for us Dems to get back in the White House, and man, he's so right on so many points:

"Replace nastiness and bitterness with irony.

Use well thought out sarcasm instead of nastiness. Be bright and witty but most important be REAL. Smart real - not Larry the Cable Guy real. Don't be elitist - I'm not saying dumb down - but remember you're talking to a country that made NASCAR the number one spectator sport in the world.

"Remember the image of the democrat we grew up with. He was the kind one, the fair one. He worked hard for a living and cared about the little guy, the down trodden and oppressed. He stood out in his yard with his arm around his wife's waist and watched his kids grow up in the front yard. He loved God and country and drove a station wagon. Don't you remember? We were the good guys! Jimmy Stewart and Gregory Peck. The democratic party has completely lost this image and the feeling is the leftists have taken it over; the Clinton coalition that led them to victory for eight years is broken; most of the few remaining southern Democrats in power are retiring and will not be replaced. The Democrats have been a minority party leading a coalition of minorities and fringe groups; and the rest of the country is turning rightward in one of the most unique cultural struggles in this country's history.

You wanna' be huge? Go back to being the sweet, silly, compassionate - always brilliant Phil I've always known. The country needs that because...

...we are scared shitless. We're afraid its only a matter of time before THEY strike again. We're afraid the administration isn't doing the right thing - but we're more afraid if nothing is done at all!!!! We're afraid the country is going to go broke. We're afraid our kids don't know how to add or read. We're afraid its going to soon cost $100 to fill up our gas tanks. We're afraid China will replace us as the world's super power. The last thing we need is Dems giving us more reasons to be afraid. Terror and paranoia is going to split this country so deep it will make the civil war look like a game of dodge ball.

We are afraid of the country being torn apart again like in Vietnam. Most folks don't remember it, but its been hammered into our heads over the last 20 years that is was a real sucky time. Nation divided, country split, riots in the street, etc.

That's why country music is enjoying overwhelming popularity. Its cool to be a red neck now. Anything grass roots, folksy or smells like apple pie. America wants comfort food!

Separation of church and state?? Are you fucking kidding me? Bad time to harp on that shit!! Do you know what's that's done to the democratic party out here in the real world? This rhetoric only flies in a few large cities on both the coasts. And that's no longer where the electoral votes are concentrated and it's not where America's heart is. Of course there needs to be separation, but do the Dems need to come off like a bunch of atheistic, robotic heathens in the mean time? If I hear one more tirade about what religion our founding fathers really were - I'm going to puke, because its not the point.

"If the republicans go unchecked we're going to lose abortion - oh I mean 'a woman's right to chose'". Half the country is thinking "Don't they love their babies? What's wrong with those people?"

"...um gay rights...?" Don't ask me not to vote republican because if I do two butt pirates aren't going to be allowed to play tonsil hockey on the steps of City Hall anymore. It's just not as good enough reason for me to risk my kid's school getting blown up by some camel jockey.

You don't want the war over there in I-raq? Fine - then you tell me a better way to make sure those "sand jockeys" don't come over here and blow up our malls and baseball parks. In the meantime, I'm stock piling food and gun powder out in the shed.

"Well, there's no evidence of weapons of mass destruction over...."

"Who give's a shit, Spanky? The whole middle east is a weapon of mass destruction. When you think terrorism - you think Iraq. When a bomb goes off, no one is going, "Those crazy Finish are at it again."

The Dems are never going to win by just trying to get people to hate Bush. DeLay hurt Bush more than Bush hurt Bush. Dems need to start waving the flag, embracing the heart of America. Liberals need to stop blaming and whining. Roll up your sleeves, replace anger with steely determination. Put down the spotted owl and pick up the %40 of Florida kids who are going to have to repeat the 3rd grade again because they don't know their fucking ABC's.

I just don't understand why the Dems aren't the good guys anymore.

Everybody is a Dem at heart, you become a republican when you give up on man and focus on yourself.

Tommy."

I've invited him to join us at BOPD. I hope he does, he has something to offer that we need to hear.

2 Comments:

Blogger Daniel Hoffmann-Gill said...

I presume the 'sand jockey' thing was a joke?

7:06 AM, May 16, 2005  
Blogger Philip Morton said...

woops. Yes, thanks Daniel. Adjusted.

7:11 AM, May 16, 2005  

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