Saturday, May 14, 2005

Methinks They Doth Protest Too Much, Part 2

Hi Everyone! This is Dr. W. David Hager, Jesus's OB-GYN.

Oops! That didn't come out right. Of course the Lord doesn't need an OB-GYN--he is, after all, a man. Just like God.

What I am, is a physician who tends to women, in a way that is pleasing to the Lord. I oppose abortion, contraception, and premarital sex. I believe there is not a sense of inherent equality between men and women. Instead, men are expected to act as benevolent authority figures for the women in their lives.

My views are also pleasing to President Bush, as well. As an appointee to the FDA, I helped to defeat the approval of an over-the-counter emergency contraceptive. Because that's just not the way the Lord wants it.

And even though I was divorced from my wife of thirty-two years, it was because I was too busy doing the Lord's work to attend to my family's needs.

It had nothing whatsoever to do with the fact that I liked to put my pee-pee into her hiney without her consent.

After all, what good is it to be the benevolant protector if you don't get to ram it up her poop chute whenever you want?



Blogger Tommyblaze said...

Isn't putting your pee-pee in her butt protecting her?

I'm confused.

5:09 PM, May 14, 2005  
Blogger Balloon Pirate said...

Let's get our fact straight here: I never said butt. I said hiney.

I also said poop chute.

But you make a point. Perhaps he was just giving her a protien enema.


5:47 PM, May 14, 2005  

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